Relationships are now at the forefront of conversations in society thanks to the continued rise of dating apps and social media public displays of affection. While romantic relationships are a natural human need, navigating them can be complex, especially with societal expectations and personal experiences shaping our perspectives.

For people with neuromuscular conditions, there can be another layer of complications. Keep reading for tips, real stories, and a reminder to be confident in dating.

The Roadblocks to Romance

Whether you love it, hate it, or have a love-hate relationship with it, dating is an adventure for everyone. We may have heard date horror stories from friends, or even had a few of our own, and most people can agree that it comes with unique challenges when you have a neuromuscular condition. A barrier you may face is figuring out how to discuss your disability in the early stages. Knowing when and how to bring it up, and starting the conversation of how you want your partner to support you can be scary. To this we say, there’s no right way to do this – just whatever feels comfortable for you.

Accessibility needs can play a big role as well. Going on dates is exhausting enough, and the added pressure of finding date locations that meet your accessibility needs doesn't help this process. But at the end of the day, your needs are valid and the right person will be happy to do the extra planning to make sure dates are comfortable for everyone.

Trust is one of the most important qualities to find in your partner, and isn’t talked about nearly enough. If you need help with daily tasks, personal care or just need someone to talk to about things, it’s important to know that your partner is someone to count on. For people with neuromuscular conditions, trust takes on an even bigger role. There can be barriers such as worrying about being seen as a “burden,” navigating caregiving dynamics in a relationship, or finding someone who truly understands your independence and boundaries. That’s why building a partnership based on mutual respect, open communication, and genuine care is vital.

Real Stories, Real Love

Even though we all go through periods where our hopes are low, there is someone out there for everyone. Below are some real stories of people in the neuromuscular community’s dating experiences.

“My husband and I met in ‘97 when Quest magazine did an article on dating with MD. I was interviewed, he read it then found my number the old school way by calling 411. I was simply honest about a guy I sorta dated while in college who told me “I think I truly love you but my dad will never understand” then explained it was his loss and said my right [person] is out there, never settle. My husband liked what I said, called me and I invited him over. I was iffy dating another disabled person but he understands things others do not. He also proposed in the magazine.” – Elizabeth

“I’m not currently in a relationship, but I am on the dating scene. My experience has been mixed. Some guys want to actually get to know me, while others just want a hookup. It’s also frustrating when people only see the chair and not the person in the chair.” – Aubrie

"Living with a neuromuscular disease, my love life has always taken a back seat to all the other more pressing areas in my existence. When I finally hit my 30's, I kind of had more of an awakening & was like “I should probably get on that now!” Unfortunately, when I started dating, it was COVID/pandemic times and the only real "safe" way to attempt dating was through, much like everything else these days, the little device in our hands....the dreaded dating apps. I think anyone, disabled or not, would attest that it's an exhausting process. Being a female on the apps, let alone a disabled female who uses a mobility device, it's definitely not always a perfect or ideal place to find a quality partner. It's hard to capture the attention of someone viewing your profile, quickly swiping to really get an accurate portrayal of who you are as a whole person, disability and all. From my time on there, it's been a constant struggle to find a suitor to realistically envision you as a valid romantic partner given preconceived stereotypes that disabled people aren't worthy of love. It takes a good amount of patience to weed through all the crazies, fetish-seekers or down-right cringey rude comments from insensitive or misinformed people when it comes to interacting with someone with a disability. A lot of it I can chalk up to lack of education or exposure to being around someone who's physically different, so I see it as kind of a teaching moment. I've encountered a few gems, so they are out there, just very hard to find. All in all, I've had a few successful dates, made some new connections & am still on my dating journey searching for my someone, but I'm hopeful!" – Kelly

Dating with Confidence

Whether it’s a slightly awkward first date or meeting someone who just gets you, these stories prove that love in all its forms is so important. While you may be on the hunt for the right person, remember that there isn’t a set date you need to find them by, and to enjoy the process. Remember that dating is about connection, not perfection.

We asked our interviewees if there is something they would like to tell their younger selves in regards to dating. Here’s what they said:

“Don’t try to overly prove your worth. People will see you for who you are, and if they don’t, that’s their loss.” – Aubrie

“Not really. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.” – Elizabeth

“Be kind to yourself & allow yourself some grace. Dating & finding love is a process. You may not connect with everyone you date, but trust the process. If you don’t vibe with someone, that just means you’re that much closer to finding someone else you will. Dating & finding love as someone with a physical disability adds many layers & complexities to it, but know that the right person will accept, embrace & celebrate you in all the proper ways. Finding that wholehearted unconditional kind of love is worth waiting for.” – Kelly

For more insight on dating and relationships, check out our Relationships resources on our website.